Valentine's Day at Malfoy Manor
by Professor Cassandra
Summary: What happens when Bellatrix Lestrange gives a powerful love potion to the Dark Lord Voldemort? Hilarity, that's what!


It was an average day at Malfoy Manor. Snow covered the ground, the rooftops, the trees, everything. The sun peeked out from behind a row of trees, causing the snow to sparkle like diamonds. Birds fluttered playfully across the winter wonderland, singing happily as if they knew what day it was.

Lucius and Narcissa certainly knew what day it was; they had gone on holiday for the weekend, to enjoy some romantic time together away from their pestering family, who were just waking up inside the luxurious mansion. As Draco Malfoy yawned, stretching out his arms to greet the new day, he could hear quite clearly the thunderous snoring of the Dark Lord Voldemort, coming from the bedroom opposite his.

Lord Voldemort had stayed the night, just as he always did whenever he grew tired of the Riddle Mansion. The Malfoy's guest bed was a lot bigger and fancier than the one he normally slept in at home, and the silk curtains were simply to die for. He opened his eyes, and then shut them back right away, covering them with his pillow. He knew quite well what day it was, but felt nothing but indifference; because, after all, he loved no one…besides himself, of course.

Yes, the fact that it was Valentine's Day seemed to matter not here. It was going to be a completely normal day (well, as normal as it gets at Malfoy Manor, anyway).

But Bellatrix Lestrange had other plans.

While her husband Rodolphus snoozed on, Bellatrix was up preparing breakfast for the Dark Lord, her beloved master. She had been up and about for quite some time now, for she had a lot to do that morning, and she knew breaking into Severus Snape's secret potion stash would not be an easy task.

"Oh, My Lord," she crooned as she emptied a vial of Amortentia into a large mug. "I do hope you enjoy your pumpkin juice."

"Happy Valentine's Day, sweetheart." It was Rodolphus. He hadn't slept as late as she had hoped he would.

"Oh, yeah…Hey, Roddy."

Rodolphus blushed. "I have a surprise for you." And he pulled from behind his back a beautiful red rose.

"It's perfect," said Bellatrix with a heartfelt sigh. Searching the Malfoys' cabinets, she found a lovely white vase and placed the rose inside. Then she set it in the middle of the breakfast tray she had just prepared, giggling excitedly. "Voldypoo will love it!"

"Right, I'm…er…I'm sure he will…. Well, I'm going back to bed to have a good…long cry…alright?"

"OK, dear, get going then."

"Love you, Bella."

"I don't hear you walking away…."

So Rodolphus left feeling completely heartbroken, not that that was anything new. Bellatrix didn't care; it was time to put her plan into action.

Carefully picking up the breakfast tray, she carried it down the hall to where Voldemort was sleeping. She stopped momentarily outside the door, trying to contain the broad grin on her face. Finally succeeding to some degree, she opened the door.

"Voldypoo, it's time to wake up. Today you'll be having breakfast in bed!"

Voldemort yawned. "Excellent. You sure know how to kiss up to the boss, Bella."

"Oh, anything for you, My Lord. Hope you enjoy."

Voldemort sat up and observed the feast before him: heart shaped chocolate chip pancakes covered in maple syrup, a delicious-looking bowl of oatmeal with cinnamon sprinkled over it, a steaming hot mug of pumpkin juice, and two of his favorite pink-frosted doughnuts with the little sprinkles on top. "You've outdone yourself! And just look at this lovely rose...Rodolphus has done well this year."

"I bet you're thirsty, huh?"

"No, I'm more hungry, really. I think I'll start with the doughnuts."

"Right…OK."

He took very small bites, and very slowly. Ten minutes went by before he finished his first doughnut.

"My Lord, don't you want to hurry up and finish—"

"Silence, Bella. Lord Voldemort likes to savor his food, you know that. Especially when there are sprinkles involved."

"Yes, My Lord…surely you're thirsty now, though…?"

"I told you, no! Give me time, dang it!"

Bellatrix waited, twitching anxiously as she watched her master eat.

"Bella, you are making Lord Voldemort very uncomfortable. Lord Voldemort does not like to be uncomfortable."

"Um, OK, well…I'll just…leave, then." She slowly backed out of the room and paced miserably back and forth down the hallway. _He's got to take a drink sometime_, she thought to herself. Eventually she grew tired and leaned back against the wall, miserably nervous.

On the way to his bedroom, Draco saw her there. "Auntie Bella, what are you doing?"

"Oh, nothing, Draco…just waiting for—"

She was interrupted by the sound of Lord Voldemort's bedroom door swinging open so forcefully it almost broke off its hinges. "Oh, Bella!" he shouted in a very cheerful, un-Voldemort-ish kind of tone. "I love yoooooouuuuuu!"

He ran up to Bellatrix and threw his arms around her. She grinned evilly; her plan had worked to perfection.

"Eeeeeeew!" screamed Draco, dashing into his bedroom and locking the door.

* * *

"Omigosh, Bella, this is so awesome, I never knew I loved you, but now I totally do, and it's so cool, don't you think it's cool? Don't you? I know you do, right?"

"Oh, yes!" The two were taking a walk in the snow, hand in hand. Voldemort had been chattering nonstop like this for at least a half hour by now, and Bellatrix loved every minute of it.

"And it was so weird, cause, like, I was drinking my pumpkin juice, and then I just thought, 'Omigosh, I totally love Bella,' and I was like woah! Were you like woah?"

"I was like woah, My Lord."

"I know you were like woah! So now we're together and everything's greeeeaaaaat…. I swear I love the whole freakin' world right now, Bella. Even Potter. Although I'd still like to kill him."

"Me, too."

"Yeah, so what do you wanna do first? We can make snow angels, or have a snowball fight, or…Ooh, I know! We can make a Snow Voldemort and a Snow Bellatrix and dedicate them to our love! We shall call them Snowdemort and Bellasnow…trix. Won't that be fun?"

"Sure, that would be—"

"LET'S GET STARTED!" With a squeal, Voldemort began to gather as much snow as possible into a pile. "Ooh, we're gonna need a lot of snow for your hair. Your hair is so pretty, Bella. I love how it's all black and frizzy-like."

Bellatrix giggled and did the same, creating a huge pile of snow next to Voldemort's.

"You know," said Voldemort, "it's a lot more fun doing this without our wands."

"Actually, I would prefer to use mine…."

"Oh, you're totally right, we should use our wands. You're awesome."

Bellatrix sighed. "As are you, My Lord."

"Not as awesome as yooooouuuuuu!"

"No, _you're_ awesomer!"

"No, _you're _awesomer!"

"Should we get to work on the snow couple now?"

"No, _you're_ awesomer!"

"…Right. Hey, listen, it's getting kind of cold. I think I'm gonna go inside for a while—"

"DON'T LEAVE ME!"

"I'm not, My Lord…just come along with me, then."

She headed back to the Manor, and with a quick "squee!" Voldemort skipped along behind her.

"Hey, Bella, you know what I want to do? I want to watch a movie. A romantic movie. With you. Like _The Notebook_. I wanna watch _The Notebook_ with you, Bella. Do you wanna watch _The Notebook_? With me? Do you, Bella?"

"Yes, My Lord."

"Sweet! We're gonna watch _The Notebook_ together! Aren't we, Bella? Aren't we? Bella?"

"_Yes_, My Lord!"

"You seem irritated, Bella. Are you? Are you irritated? Huh, Bella?"

"_No_, My Lord…."

"That's an awesome name, by the way. Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella…"

By this time they were inside the manor. Bellatrix had already hung up her large, snow-covered coat, but Voldemort was still too busy chattering.

"I'm gonna set up the movie now, Bella. Me. Cause I don't want you to have to lift a finger, you're too awesome. Did you know you're awesome? Cause you totally are, Bella. You are." He skipped over to the television (which the Malfoys were ashamed to own, but had become addicted to) and put the movie into the DVD player. He then skipped over to the couch and snuggled up close to his new girlfriend. "Love you, Bella!"

The movie played on. Voldemort seemed to be enjoying himself, but Bellatrix was finding it a bit hard to concentrate.

"You know what the best part of watching this movie is, Bella? Watching it with you. Cause you're just that awesome."

"Yes, My Lord, you've been saying that for twenty minutes now."

"It's true, though. It totally is."

"Yeah, whatever…."

"OK, so here's what I was thinking. After we get married, we can run away to Mexico and begin our new lives as llama herders! I'll be called 'Francisco' and you can be called 'Bellatrix,' because that name is just too cute to get rid of…."

Bellatrix grimaced. She had come up with that exact plan no more than three weeks ago, but somehow it seemed less appealing now. "…My Lord…did you just…_sniff_ my hair?"

"…Yes."

"Uh-huh…. Hey, will you excuse me for a moment?" she said, awkwardly getting up.

"OK, but please don't be long, Bella darling. I cannot bear to be away from you for long."

"Okey dokey then…."

* * *

It was late in the afternoon. The Malfoys' lawn was bathed in an orange light, and the snow had melted a bit. Draco had just finished off a steaming cup of hot chocolate when he returned to his room. However, something wasn't quite right….

"Who's…who's in here?" he stuttered nervously.

"Draco, _please_ be quiet!" came a frantic whisper.

"_Auntie Bella_?" He peeked under his bed, and sure enough, there was Bellatrix.

"_Shh!_ I can't be seen, OK? I'm trying to hide…."

"Draco!" called Voldemort.

Bellatrix groaned. "Oh, Merlin, no…it's _him_ again! Draco, go away! I'm not here!"

Hurried footsteps could be heard in the hallway; they seemed to come closer and closer.

"Oh, there you are, Draco! Have you seen Bella? I can't find Bella. Where's Bella?"

"I…I don't know, My Lord."

"You're lying, Draco. Lord Voldemort knows. He always knows."

Draco gulped. Speaking in the third person usually meant that Voldemort was serious. Dead serious. "OK, OK, she's under the bed!"

Bellatrix crawled out of her hiding place, trying to fake a smile and failing miserably. "Hey…Voldypoo…you found me!" He was driving her insane…well, more so.

"Bella! I've been looking all over for you! I've missed you, sweetheart! Let's go take another walk now, shall we? I wrote a poem for you. Come on, I'll read it as we walk."

As he took her hand and skipped away, Bellatrix shot Draco a deadly look. Draco had seen such a look before, and he could only hope his parents would return from their trip to save him before the crap hit the ceiling.

He could hear Voldemort's senseless ramblings as they strolled away. "Oh, Bella, I think you are swell-a, I love being your fella…" His voice faded off in the distance.

* * *

Bellatrix slowly pushed open the door to her bedroom. She walked like a zombie to her bed and collapsed upon it.

"Honey?" said Rodolphus. "What's going on?"

"Potion…wore…off…finally…Wouldn't…shut…up…"

"…Huh?"

A scream of terror came from down the hallway. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWW!"

"That's…him…now…grossed…out…"

Rodolphus peeked outside the door to find Voldemort rushing to the bathroom. He was still chattering nonstop, but the subject matter was much different. "Ew, I dated Bella! Ew, I've gotta throw up! Gross, I can't believe I dated Bella! BLECH!"

"Um…honey," said Rodolphus, "what is he talking about?"

"Nothing…Roddy…. Love…you."

Rodolphus grinned. He knew quite well this change of heart was only temporary, but really it was the best he could have hoped for.


End file.
